Queen Mary, a Familiar Face with an Unfamiliar Personality

Challenging the narrative history has given us about Queen Mary.

When it comes to the House of Windsor, there seems to be a generally accepted narrative about each of the members of the Royal Family. But, what I am finding, is that the more letters and first hand accounts I read, I see a very, very different side of the royals, in particular Queen Mary. While this isn’t to say that the generally accepted narrative is wrong, I do think, just like almost every retold history, these narratives can be a bit one dimensional. People accept the very stern and imperial looking Queen Mary in photos as being a cold figure, so why change the narrative? My challenge to that is this…Shouldn’t we trying analyze recent historical figures from all angles while we still have their journals, letters, interviews, etc.? Isn’t it better we make as accurate a retelling as possible so that hundreds of years from now historians aren’t driving themselves mad trying to unlock the mysteries of someone as we do today with Anne Boleyn and others? I think so!

A smiling Queen Mary with the German Empress Augusta Victoria

The portrait I want to paint of Queen Mary is put together from letters written by her and mentions of her in three books I have read, The Little Princesses by Marion Crawford (Marion Crawford was the beloved nanny to Princesses Elizabeth and Margaret. Her book, which paints an absolutely lovely picture was seen as a massive betrayal by the Royal Family because although nothing very serious was shared, it was a look into their private lives.), The Official Biography of the Queen Mother by William Shawcross, and Letters from a Prince, edited by Rupert Godfrey. In all of these books, the accounts of Queen Mary all paint her has a rather loving and kind woman which is very opposite of the generally accepted narrative of her being a cold and distant victorian lady.

In both Letters From a Prince, and The Official Biography of the Queen Mother, we see Queen Mary as a mother checking up on her adult children much as any other mother would. While she is said to have been a rather distant mother who always put duty first (Echos of this were repeated when it came to her granddaughter Queen Elizabeth’s mothering of her own children.) it is evident that she was involved in the lives of her children and that they loved her. In his letters to his mistress, Freda Dudley Ward, Edward, Prince of Wales always makes a point to tell Freda when he got a letter from his mother, and he makes it clear that it always cheers him. From a man who was rather disillusioned with the royal machine at large, and who was always very hard on his father in this collection of letters, his clear delight with his mother speaks volumes.

Mary of Teck with four of her children

We see much more detail about Queen Mary in the thousand page Official Biography of the Queen Mother. I particularly want to highlight that early on in the book, both Queen Mary, and Lady Strathmore (The Queen Mother’s mother) wanted Elizabeth and Prince Albert to marry.

Famously, Elizabeth turned Prince Albert down twice and it was on the third proposal that she finally accepted him. From correspondents shared in the book we know that Queen Mary and Lady Strathmore were disappointed when Elizabeth initially turned Prince Albert down. Eventually, Queen Mary actually went to visit the Strathmores and her fondness for Elizabeth only grew. However, she is said to have stated, “I shall say nothing to either of them, Mothers should never meddle in their children’s love affairs.” A statement which I find hilarious because she was visiting Glamis Castle doing just that! (Even though she might not have come straight out with it.) (This is another instance where I see an echo of this in Queen Elizabeth who could famously wield major influence by just asking a question or gently implying something.) Eventually when she did accept him, the Queen wrote, “We are delighted and he looks beaming. We sent off telegrams, wrote letters & were very busy.”

Queen Mary and King George Laughing

In Marion Crawford’s “The Little Princesses” Queen Mary is one of the main character of her story. She talks about how she would show Queen Mary the school schedule she had designed for the girls and that the Queen would offer her advice on what she thought important, which Marion appreciated. She also shares how much of an eye on the girls that Queen Mary kept, particularly when their parents were on royal tour. A favorite story of mine, is that Queen Mary, on an occasion like her birthday, would accept the small gifts her granddaughters had brought her, but then let them pick out a goodie from the other gifts she had received. (This again reminded me something the then Duchess of Cambridge, shared about Queen Elizabeth leaving treats for all the young grandchildren or great-grandchildren when they came to stay.) Towards, the end of “The Little Princesses” Marion shares that while the Royal Family was on tour in South Africa (after the end of WWII) she chose to confide in Queen Mary about her desire to get married herself. I find this fact absolutely striking because one would probably never imagine that Queen Mary would be close enough to the nanny of her granddaughters to offer her advice on personal matters! Throughout her book, Marion offers nothing but praise about Queen Mary, and sums her up by saying, “She is one of the kindest and most considerate of people, and it is not for nothing that most of the staff in her employ have been there all their lives, and grown old with her.”

Hearing these different accounts of Queen Mary, and reading some of her own words and letters have left me with a very different picture of her than I once had. I think that simply saying that she was a distant victorian lady who was a great support to George V, is absolutely selling her short. It is clear that she was a loving and devoted Queen, mother and grandmother, and I think in many ways (a few of which I shared in the article), she shaped the life of Queen Elizabeth. From now on, when I think of Queen Mary, I will likely compare her much more to her granddaughter, the beloved Queen Elizabeth. Both dedicated to duty which often came first, but a very kind, loyal, loving and loved mother and grandmother. I’d love to hear if this depiction of her has changed any or your perceptions, or if you have found that after learning more about someone else in history your opinion was also changed, so please, share in the comments!

For more reading about Queen Mary, check out these other posts:

Queen Mary, The Strongest Genes in the Royal Family

14 Facts You May Not Know About Queen Mary

Until Next Time,

McKenzie