The Mitford Sisters Pt. 1: Nancy and Pamela

The unbelievable lives of Britains six most famous and infamous sisters.

The Mitford Family in 1928.

The Mitford sisters were the daughters of the eccentric Lord and Lady Redesdale, whom were affectionately called Muv and Farve by their children. Their six strikingly beautiful daughters were some of the most famous British socialites of the early twentieth century. But what is more interesting is how their daughters lives turned out. Even though Lord and Lady Redesdale were somewhat eccentric for their time (Lord Redesdale did buy a pony in London and bring it home to live in the house until they took it to their country home.), I think that if you were to have asked them if their daughters lives would have turned out how they did, they would have thought their fates would not even have been in the realm of possibility. The first sister that I took an interest in was the youngest, Deborah (commonly called Debo), who went on to become the Duchess of Devonshire. After falling in love with her story, I had to know about the interesting lives of her many sisters and as I learned about them, I had to keep reminding myself that these were in fact real life people, not a group of fictional characters conjured up in the wildest dreams of an author. Because as you learn more about the Mitford sisters that is what they seem to be, not of the real world, and certainly not the Edwardian born daughters of an English aristocrat.

Their maternal grandfather was a magazine man with popular publications such as Vanity Fair and The Lady, and many of the Mitford sisters were also in the literary world becoming successful authors. Aside from their writing, these six women were beauty icons, farmers, business women, friends and lovers of major politicians, mothers of heirs, fascists, communists, public enemies and more. However the amazing thing is, is that when you watch them talk in interviews, these women, who I see as larger than life, talk about the incredible events of their lives with all of the charm and frankness in the world. They all possess a similar sort of magical cheer as they talk about things like running away from home, meeting Adolf Hitler, and share stories about one another, where they almost always refer to each other by their childhood nicknames.  Some of their stories were tragic, and some unexpected. Most of their stories however, like many of ours, are the results of choices (however outlandish) they made. In fact, in an interview Debo shared that after a while, her mother told them that whenever she saw “Peers Daughter” as a newspaper headline she wondered which of her six girls it was that time. As I humbly endeavor to introduce these larger than life women to you, we will explore their lives in a three part series. I can’t wait to hear who you thought was the most fascinating! 

Nancy Mitford

Described by her sisters as the “star” of the family, Nancy was the oldest of the seven Mitford children (they had one brother named Thomas), being born in 1904. As the oldest child, she was somewhat of an experimental subject in her mother’s belief that a child should not ever be corrected. This resulted in a very unruly toddler who according to herself, was perfectly happy until her younger sister Pam arrived. This also resulted in a quickly altered parenting style once it became clear how wild young Nancy had become. She was smart and witty however, and some of that intelligence was used to keep the rest of her siblings (who often teased her) in line. Her sisters recount how she also loved mischief and how she would play tricks on people and tease them mercilessly. In an interview, her youngest sister Debo laughingly remembers how she did a “joy dance” when she, being the youngest, was sent to bed at an earlier time. She further recounts that she was teased by Nancy, saying she will never find a husband because of a swollen gland on her neck that “hubbled and bubbled” in the night. Nancy told an upset Debo that no husband would ever put up with such a thing! It has also been said by many of her family members and friends, that when she and her father, Lord Redesdale got going, a funnier pair did not exist. Nancy had otherwise a pretty normal upbringing for an aristocratic girl which culminated in her “coming out” into society after a presentation to the King and Queen. Living her young adult years in the 1920s, Nancy was considered one of the “Bright Young Things.” A group of predominately upper class artists and writers at that time that lived rather bohemian lives often experimenting with drugs, and partying all night. A sharp contrast to the society from which most of these artists came.

Her first book was published in 1931, but it would not be until the next decade that her breakout novels The Pursuit of Love and Love in a Cold Climate would really put her on the map as a writer. Although these books were technically works of fiction, the characters were based off of her family members, so much so, that her sister Jessica shared that after she read The Pursuit of Love, she wrote Nancy saying that she must have been having an affair with a Frenchman, just like her character in the book. Jessica shared that she replied, saying “Why yes I am!” (Both of these books have also been adapted for screens many times over.) She would later go on to write several successful biographies as well, many of which are still acclaimed today. 

After a devastating end to her relationship with Hamish Erskine (whom she thought she was going to marry.) Nancy married Peter Rodd in 1933. Her sisters believed that this marriage was a definite rebound after Erskine. Peter was thought to be a man with a lot of promise, but turned out to be the opposite. Her much younger sister Jessica recalls him very fondly and talked about, much in the way of their family custom, the nickname “Prod” that they used for him. Pam, who was born directly after Nancy however said in an interview that there was not much she could recall about him. Their 24 year marriage ended up being unhappy for both of them, and despite two miscarriages, never resulted in children. It did result in much of their time being spent in separation before they would eventually divorce in 1957. Nancy fell pregnant after an affair with French officer André Roy and suffered a miscarriage from that in 1941. The miscarriage ultimately resulted in her receiving a hysterectomy. During the war, she did help her husband with humanitarian work and became completely turned off to Fascism, which is the way that several of her family members leaned. Unlike many of her sisters, she did not have extremely strong political beliefs but she did lean to moderate Socialism.

After WWII, Nancy decided to move to Paris, where she had so desperately longed to be. In Paris she could write, conduct her busy social life, and spend time with her lover, Gaston Palewski. Palewski was a member and close confidant of Charles de Gaulle, but his womanizing held him back from a truly successful political career when he wasn’t under the veil of the French President. Their relationship lasted until Nancy sadly died of cancer in 1973. Palewski did see other woman during that time and often, because of his political schedule, they would go for very long stretches without seeing one another.

The bond between sisters remained close, and although they lived apart, their visits to one another were frequent. In 1971, when Nancy became sick, her sisters were by her side in regular turns and she was almost never alone until the day she died.  Nancy, was quintessentially bohemian in just about every sense of the word. She lived by her own rules and made her own very successful way. Her legacy, and in many ways her life stories, are left in the pages of her books, that live both in print and on screens. Most of which are still being loved and enjoyed today.

Pamela Mitford (Jackson)

Born in 1907, Pamela Mitford was the second of the Mitford sisters. She had the quietest life of all of these six women and certainly was not in the news as often as most of her siblings, preferring a life in the country. It should be noted however that although she was in the spotlight considerably less than the rest of her sisters, she still did attract attention simply because of who, and how beautiful she was. In a poem by John Betjemen (who reportedly was in love with Pam), Pamela was described as “the most rural of them all” and that is exactly how she lived life. When she is remembered by her sisters in interviews and memoirs, they have shared that she was called “Woman” in the family because of her love of domesticity. She spent part of her early adult life managing Biddesden, the farm and house of her brother-in-law Bryan Guinness. In 1936, she married the extremely wealthy physicist and horseman Derek Jackson. In her memoir, Deborah shared that while Jackson was very dashing, he could be extremely difficult and his outbursts were a lot to deal with. For the years they were married, they lived in Ireland at Tullamaine Castle in County Tipperary. Managing a second country house allowed Pamela to further expand her knowledge of farming, gardening and running a household. It was said that although dyslexic, Pam inherited a knack for running a home well, just like their mother Lady Redesdale. (Their father was not great with money, and with seven children, Lady Redesdale had to run a tight ship.) She was also an incredible cook and many of her siblings and their children cooked with her, and enjoyed her food.

Following her 1951 divorce from Jackson, Pamela spent decades as the companion the Italian horsewoman Giuditta Tommasi. While the specifics of their relationship were never made clear, it was speculated by some, including her sister Jessica, that she was a lesbian. Other sisters however had more mixed feelings and believed she was not. I believe that Debo summed that situation up best by saying how tiresome she felt trying to guess the sexuality of people was and that it was not what mattered.

Pamela was certainly the most practical of the Mitford sisters and the one they relied on most (When Nancy was dying, it was Pam who she wanted most by her side because she was just such a calming and caring presence.) They also said that it was sad she was not a parent because she would have made a fantastic one. Her sister Deborah said that for Pam, her dogs became her children. She in fact cared for them so deeply, that she actually delayed moving back to England from Switzerland because her dogs were old and she didn’t want to stress them with a move. It was not until after her dogs passed away that she moved back. 

Although, because of her social standing and family relations, she was often around famous and powerful people, she was never overawed by them and remained true to who she was no matter who or what she encountered. Her sister Deborah drove this point home in an interview when she shared the story that, at an event, Pamela was seated next to Lord Mountbatten (Prince Philip’s Uncle, the last Viceroy of India, etc.) and he said to her that he heard her nickname in the family was “Woman” to which she replied “Yes, and who might you be?” Furthermore, her sisters also recounted that when Pamela met Hitler, who several of the family members spent time with, rather than care at all that he was a very powerful statesman in the 1930s, she swapped and talked cooking recipes with him. One might wonder what her family was thinking as they were listening to them talk… Pam stayed true to herself right until the end, and lived out her life in the British countryside continuing to be a steadying force in her family, and doting on her animals. 

The Mitford Sisters drawn by William Acton. Nancy, Pamela, Diana, Unity, Jessica and Deborah

In part two, we will dive into the almost unbelievable lives of Diana, Unity and Jessica, who’s wartime politics brought their lives as they knew them to an end. As we scratch the surface of these fascinating women’s lives, I want to share a few resources (books, interviews, etc.) about them below in case you want to learn more. More resources will be added in each post about them.

*A note: Their last name was actually Freeman-Mitford but they’re always referred to as Mitford.

Nancy Mitford: A Portrait by Her Sisters (Julian Jebb 1980)

The Sisters: The Saga of the Mitford Family by Mary S. Lovell

I hope you enjoy these resources and I can’t wait to hear which sister’s story you like best!

Until Next Time,

McKenzie